


The Weight Of Memories (Book 1)

by RaevynNocturne



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Gen, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:35:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29433231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaevynNocturne/pseuds/RaevynNocturne
Summary: You can feel it, sometimes, as you lay in bed, trying to sleep, when your mind won't be quiet and let you sleep. You can feel the hardship your memories bring, even the good ones, because you can't stop thinking about them. But it's the bad memories that are the worst, the ones that keep you up at night, that haunt your dreams, and cause you to become even more stressed out than usual. So you try to find way to cope: meditation, drinking, smoking, drugs, anything that might bring you a surcease from the pain. You wonder if there's even a way to block your memories, forever, not understanding, or realizing, that that's actually far more dangerous.So what would happen if you were to block your memories? What if you could distance yourself from those bad dreams, forever? Just how bad could it really be?





	1. Under A Setting Sun

**Author's Note:**

> Some of the chapters will be longer than others, so I apologize in advance. This is the first "book" of a two book series. I just hope you all enjoy it, almost as much as I enjoyed writing it.

When I say to you "let's watch the sunset", you might smile, and think that's a lovely idea. But this time, it's a little different. This time, the "setting sun" actually means dying sun, and although it sounds horrific, it's surprisingly lovely to watch. Well, it is if you're an ancient being that has been roaming around the universe, just for the heck of it. To the people who follow? Not so much.  


The Doctor can't quite remember where she found these two girls, dunder heads both. Sweet girls, Ashley and Amanda, in their late teens, and very lovely, but not the brightest when it comes to intelligence, preferring to talk about boys, clothes, and parties, to watching a sun finally fade into a dead lump. But, you can't win them all, the Doctor reminds herself quietly. She thinks back to all the companions she's had, over all her previous incarnations; while not all have been the most intelligent, they all were special. It was just a matter of waiting, and she'd find the one thing in these two that would make them truly special. But until then, she had to put up with their chattering, talking about things that meant nothing to her. She'd seen stars born, and die, before, but it never ceased to amaze her each time. It reminds her of her own cycle of life, one that had been extended, thanks to the timely intervention of one companion, pleading for help from the Gallifreyans stuck in a pocket universe. Who was that companion? It was a female.. Oh yes, Clara. Beautiful Clara. I wonder how she is? the Doctor thinks to herself as the light starts to dim, and the air grow cooler. As a Gallifreyan, the Doctor wouldn't be affected by the temperature as much as her companions, not as quickly at least.  


As the sky lights up with color that fades quickly, the girls behind her start to complain about the cold, pulling their jackets tighter around themselves. The Doctor knew they'd eventually return to the TARDIS, sooner rather than later, as it became too cold and dark to enjoy. But she stayed outside, until at least, the last spark of fire died, and the sun had become a lump of nothingness in space. Smiling to herself, she hums as she walks back, pulling her own jackets around her, now feeling the cold for the first time. She knew that, years from now, once the core had finally become safe enough to approach, some group of people would go and start to mine the core for the valuable materials within. But that would take at least two hundreds years; maybe she should go and see how that goes when she gets back to the TARDIS? No, the girls would complain that that was boring, and the Doctor didn't want to spoil the mood.  


So instead, without a word to either girl, she sets the coordinates, and the TARDIS whisks them away, almost to the other side of the universe, to a party planet she'd found in one of her previous incarnations. She personally didn't find it that great, not anymore, but the girls adored it, so she would take them there from time to time, leaving them for a while, to go off and do... Well, whatever she wanted. And today, she wanted to, needed to, think, alone, without interference. She barely waited for the girls to leave the TARDIS before rushing off, so a world she'd only visited twice, in her past incarnation, all because of a companion she honestly can't remember much about, only that she was very special, and unique. It wasn't Clara, this girl came after Clara, and before Bill Potts, but that's all she could remember. Strange.  


So she soon found herself sitting on a protrusion above a waterfall, on a planet that was made up of primarily crystaline structures. Even the water falling past the spires made the crystals sing, and sitting where she was, the sound was incredibly peaceful. She needed that peace, because she had found herself feeling on edge lately, and she wasn't sure why. It was as if something was warning her that something bad was going to happen, but she didn't know what. She'd tried before to search her memories for anything similar, and that's when she realized that maybe the problem was her: she found some of her memories had become hazy. And while that wasn't unusual, Time Lords did tend to forget things after a while, some things would remain; and even those she'd forgotten could, normally, be accessed. But not this time. So that's why she was here, meditating at this spot that she knew she'd loved in her past incarnation. And that's where the trouble really began, because she couldn't think of who it was that had made her love this spot so much, or even why. But, try as she might, she couldn't access those memories, or others she KNEW should be there; it was like looking through a frosty window and seeing shapes, but not being able to touch them, or really see what they were. So she pushed, pulled, prodded, anything she could to force those memories to surface.  


So focused was she on trying to gain those memories, she didn't hear the cloister bell ringing from the TARDIS, she didn't pick up the distress of the ship herself. As someone once said, the TARDIS was the best companion the Doctor could ever have, because the psychic link between them meant they were as close as soulmates. Had anyone been near the TARDIS, even if they knew what that sound meant, they wouldn't know why it was happening, much less that it was a two sided warning.  


So focused was the Doctor, that she didn't hear the small shuttle pull up behind her, nor did she feel the bolt of energy hit her, knocking her unconscious. Strangely dressed beings pulled her up into the shuttle, and flew off, past the first moon of that planet. The TARDIS, thoroughly distressed, went to the last place she could think of: the party planet, and sent a distress call to the two girls. She wasn't sure what they could do to help, even if she could communicate with them.  


By the time the girls finally made it back to the TARDIS, completely drunk, with two alien men (at least, they hoped they were males) hanging onto them, the TARDIS was in a right frenzy, humming loudly with panic. Of course, that only made the girls complain about the noise, then ignore it as they stumbled to their respective rooms, to enjoy the rest of the night with their new male friends. So the TARDIS, now in a blind panic, reaches out, looking for one of her sister ships specifically, and contacts her, as only they can do. The message is short, because the distance is vast, but it says everything it needs to, and she knew the occupants of this particular ship would understand, and help: **COME QUICKLY, DOCTOR IS IN GRAVE DANGER.**


	2. White Noise

The first thing she noticed was that what she heard was nothing, a strange silence, no hums, no beeps, none of the usual sounds she was used to on the TARDIS. The second thing she noticed was that the air, although a little dry, was temperate, almost as if wherever she was had a controlled climate, or at least controlled temperature. There was no other smell, nothing except the unusually smooth floor she sat on, a lack of any light at all, and the sense of being in a small room. She groaned, and could tell just from that that the room was indeed small, but otherwise couldn't tell anything else. Slowly she sat up, waiting for her head to stop swimming, leaning against an equally smooth wall. That was the first truly odd thing she noticed: the floor and the wall, instead of being a corner as one might think, it was slightly curved. Almost as if the room had been designed as one piece. Would the ceiling and wall joint be the same? What about the edges of the walls? One thing at a time, she reminds herself, standing up slowly; her head hurts abysmally, as does her back. That's when she realized she wasn't wearing her clothing anymore; she seemed to be wearing what she believed was prison clothes, but since she couldn't actually see, that assessment would have to wait.

After completing a circuit around the rather small room, she found that her assessment had been correct, the joints were all curved, but instead of a door, one "wall" was made of some kind of plastic. She was a little disappointed, she had almost expected some kind of force field instead. The only other things in the cell was a thin mattress, and a bucket, neither of which had any smell, and the bucket was made of the same resinous substance the walls where made of. So, no information or luck there.

She slid back down to the floor, leaning against the back wall, wondering where she was, how she got here, and where her TARDIS was. She couldn't even sense her TARDIS anymore, and that worried her more than anything else. The stray thought, I wonder how the girls are doing, slipped in briefly, but she waved it mentally aside; as long as they were still on that planet, they were safe. And the only thing the Doctor could say for sure, was that she knew she wasn't safe, at all.

Suddenly, blinding white lights blinked on, causing the Doctor to cry out in shock, eyes watering from the intensity. Muffled voices, faint at first, then growing louder until it stopped outside her cell, was all she could hear; whatever the "door" was made of, it was opaque, so she couldn't see anything, just basic shapes. Rough voices spoke outside the cell, an argument between two people, but she couldn't understand what was being said. That was the last thing she knew before she blacked out again.

This time, when she woke, she was again in some kind of strange cell, all white, but was attached to a strange chair; attached, bound and gagged, to what she could only surmise was some kind of medical chair. Her hair had been pulled back, and diodes attached to her temples. She could hear the faint mechanical whir of electronics from behind her, but her field of vision was limited because of her head being restrained. She didn't know what was going on, but she had a horrible feeling that things were about to get very bad.

From somewhere behind her, she heard the sound of clicking, like high heeled boots, walking up to the chair, and around, to stand in front of her. A beautiful, blue and purple scaled alien female stood in front of her, garbed in strange, dark blue leather, hissed something at the Doctor, but she couldn't understand the words, which actually frightened her. She tried to shake her head, to show she couldn't understand, but her head didn't move. But, the alien in front of her seemed to understand, and a strange hiss issued from between pursed lips. She couldn't be sure, but she thought the alien was almost pleased by this knowledge, that the Doctor couldn't translate what was being said. And that made things all that much worse.

"Can you understand me now?" a sibilant voice asked, coming from the person in front of her. She nods, or tries to, but it's enough movement to indicate a confirmation.

"Good. Then you will be able to hear what I say to you. We searched, for millennia, for someone like you, with much energy. When we hear of Time Lord abilities, we change our searches to look for someone just like you, and now we have found you! We will not tell you why we want you, not yet. Because we have much pain to bring to you, before our initial plans can even begin. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the pain!" the voice says, and hisses what seems almost like a laugh. With both hearts beating rapidly, the Doctor can only grab the armrests when a current of energy rips through her. It's so overwhelming, she almost passes out again, but something inside says that they won't let her escape this pain, she'll be kept alive. Why would they want her alive?

Another blast of energy, but this time, she feels disoriented, like she wasn't entirely there. Eyes watering, she looks around her, and the room seems to be swimming. Lights, colors, shapes, and some sounds blend together in a discordant mess, and she can't even translate what she's seeing. It doesn't make sense. Nothing makes sense.

Another jolt. Her head feels like it's being split apart, but yet she's still awake, still alive, but now she can barely see. 

Riiiiiiiiiip. What sounds almost like Velcro coming apart crashes around her, and she suddenly feels cold. Her head is foggy, and the sounds fade in and out of hearing. She hears voices, but can't make out what is being said, or by whom or what.

In fact, the last thing she hears before she finally collapses into sweet black oblivion is a scream, one of such horror and terror that she feels as though her blood has turned to ice. Then, nothingness.


	3. The Calvary

Ashley stumbled into the control room, head splitting, not sure how she got lost; the hallways in the TARDIS never seemed to go where they should go, changing almost as if they had a mind of their own. She could hear quiet talking, but didn't see Amanda anywhere, and couldn't locate the talkers.

"Hello?" she slurs out, annoyed that she still sounds drunk, even though she knows it's the next day. Two girls pop their heads up from the lower deck, startling Ashley enough to cause her to stumble backwards and fall. The smaller of the two girls, smirks, and snickers, while the slightly taller one rushes up to her.

"Are you ok?" the girl asks, her voice soft, sweet, and defiantly English.

"Head hurts," Ashley manages to say, although now her mouth feels gummy, and gross. Frowning prettily, the girl helps Ashley stand, and hobble over to one of the chairs near the main console.

"This sure looks a lot different since the last time I was hear" the other girl finally says.

"Yeah, I was thinking that too. Wonder what happened?" the first girl replied, ignoring Ashley for a moment.

"Maybe he regened again?" Clara asked.

"Maybe," the first said, and turned back to Ashley.

"Hi, I'm Clara, and this is my friend, Lady Me. Yes, I know, it's an odd name, but she's an odd person" she says, ignoring the other girl, who had stuck her tongue out.

" 'Lo, name's Ashley," she manages to say, until the headache reaches monumental heights. Moaning in pain, hands against her eyes, she curls over, wishing she'd stayed in bed with that handsome guy, who's name she can't even remember.

"I'll go get you some water, as long as the TARDIS cooperates!" Clara says softly, and chuckles. The other girl, Me, just rolls her eyes, and walks up to the main deck to glare at Ashley, who didn't even notice.

A few minutes later, Clara returned, with an equally hung over Amanda trudging behind, two glasses of water in her hands. Handing one to Ashley, and the other to Amanda, Clara goes to stand next to Me.

"So, I found your friend wandering the halls. Amanda, was it? Good. So. What's this about the Doctor being in grave danger?" Clara says promptly, although she keeps her voice soft and low.

"Huh? Grave danger? What?" Ashley asks, looking over at an equally confused Amanda, who simply shrugs. Clara sighs, and Me frowns. This was not going well, and they'd only just gotten there.

"So, if you didn't send the message, who did?" Me asks, angrily.

"What message?" Amanda says, finally talking.

A few beeps from the console, and Clara's eyes widen in shock.

"Kidnapped? How? When?" Clara asks in a rush, leaving the other two girls go gape at each other. Me, on the other hand, goes from frowning to scowling.

"And where were you two during this?" Clara turns to ask, anger coloring her words.

"She dropped us off at a party planet. We got a message on the phone to return to the TARDIS, but we didn't see her when we got in. We were also a little drunk," Ashley said, mouth working properly, and head slowly feeling better.

"She?" both Me And Clara asked, eyes wide in shock, being replaced by a cross between amusement.. And something almost akin to interest, romantic interest.

"What planet have YOU been living on, lady? Of course the Doctor is a female." Amanda replies snarkily. Me snorts, and turns to stare at Amanda, while Clara just watches Ashley with an amused expression.

"I met her previous two incarnations, so I'm so sorry that I didn't realize he had become a she." Clara replied, amused.

"Say WHAT? You mean she was born a male?" Ashley asked, surprised.

"You mean she's transgender?" Amanda asked, at the same exact time.

Clara and Me looked at each other, and started laughing hysterically. Even the TARDIS beeped, highly amused at the limited grasp of these two mortal girls' understand.

"Apparently she never told you about her being able to regenerate," Clara said, completely amused at this point, although her face falls when she realizes that not only do the two girls know anything, no one knows what happened.

Punching a few buttons, they pull up a camera feed from the outside of the TARDIS, something even Clara had no idea was there. Watching the shuttle zap the Doctor (who was very pretty, Clara thought to herself), and carry her away, she freezes the feed as the side of the shuttle before it took off. She looks over at Me, who shrugs, just as baffled as Clara. Even the TARDIS didn't recognize the marking, which means it was either new, or something that wouldn't mean anything to anyone except the owner.

"Well, this was a waste of time," Me remarked tartly, glaring at Clara, who rolled her eyes, tapping her finger against her chin, lost in thought.

"Can we track the Doctor's sonic?" Clara asks the TARDIS, hoping it might work.

"How should I know?" Amanda says, but quiets down when Me glares at her.

A few beeps answer, and Clara sighs.

"Well, short of tracking down one of the past lives to ask for help, I don't know what else we CAN do," Clara says sadly. Me shrugs, and sighs.

"Want me to stay here? Or shall I go back to our TARDIS?" Me asks darkly.

"I'd prefer you stay with me, here, but you can go back if you like. In fact, that might not be a bad idea. We might need to split up and search." Clara replies.

"Fine, whatever" Me retorts, and stalks off, slamming the door behind her. Sighing loudly, and apologizing to the TARDIS softly for Me's actions, Clara taps in a time and date that she knows the Doctor will be at, and off they go.

"In the meantime, I think you two should go get something to eat. Is there anywhere you'd prefer to be dropped off?" Clara asks, hoping the two girls would wish to go somewhere else, because she sure didn't want to have to deal with these two for too long; she didn't know how the Doctor did it. Then again, this time, the Doctor was a female, so maybe she was more understanding than the previous, scowling Scottish incarnation. Feeling her heart skip a beat, and then feel heavy with the knowledge that the Doctor she'd come to love wasn't the same. Once again, her Doctor had changed, which meant one more face she had to learn, one more personality to understand. If she chose to stick around that long.

A few minutes later, the TARDIS came to a stop, and sent a message to Clara's TARDIS, so that they could keep in touch. Deciding not to deal with the girls for the moment, she opens the door and looks outside. Seeing no one else around, she leaves, locking the door behind her. She walks the few feet to where the Doctor, her Doctor, should've been, but there's no sign of him. She knows it's after he lost his memories of her, and that he's at a University teaching (why, she doesn't know, she didn't stick around long enough to find out), but she doesn't understand why he's not listed. Sighing in frustration, she trudges upstairs, after checking for which room his office is in, praying he's there, and not at the lecture hall. When she finally reaches the door, she knocks, and waits, but hears nothing. Deciding to check, she opens the door, and feels her stomach and heart fall out: there was nothing in the room, at all. Looking at the nameplate beside the door, she watches in horror as the name suddenly vanishes. Running back to the TARDIS, which had unlocked and opened the door before she reached it, she stumbles down the stairs. Typing in a new time and date, and punches the gear quickly, afraid she'd find the same problem. 


	4. River Of TIme

It took technically only two hours to complete the search, but it felt like a lifetime; 12 lifetimes, if you wanted to get technical. There was nothing, no sign that the Doctor had ever even existed. Clara didn't know what it meant, but it scared her more than anything ever had before. She still had her memories, but something was very, very wrong.

Without giving the two girls any choice, she dropped them off at their flat in London, and left to meet back up with Me. By the time Me arrived, Clara was pacing around the console, shaking uncontrollably. Me, preparing to make some rude comment, let the words die as she saw how shaken Clara really was. Running to her, Me gently grabs Clara's shoulders, looking into Clara's scared eyes.

"What happened?" Me asked, worried.

"They're gone! It's almost as if they never existed" Clara stammers out, still shaking.

"That's impossible. How could they not exist? If they didn't exist, the TARDIS wouldn't be here, would it?"

"I don't know" Clara said, frightened.

 _ **-I would, but only because of the current incarnation. I too have my memories, of each of the other incarnations, and even I don't know what's going on.-**_ the TARDIS commented to Clara.

"What?" Me asked, unaware the TARDIS had chosen to actually talk to Clara.

"The TARDIS said she's only here because of the current Doctor, but that she, too, has the memories of all the other incarnations. She's as much in the dark about it all as we are." Clara replied.

"That is certainly not good. It sounds like a strange time paradox" Me says, thinking furiously.

"What else could it be? Why else would the others disappear?" Clara asked, almost whispering.

"We need to find some way to track the Doctor. She'll probably be the only one who can answer these questions." Me said stoically.

"Yeah, but how?" Clara started to ask, then looked up.

"River!" Clara exclaimed brightly.

"Who?" Me asked, confused.

"She is, or was, the wife of the Doctor, maybe if we can find her, she can help us!" Clara said, excitedly. Raising an eyebrow in question, Me shrugs and releases Clara's shoulders, then heads to the door. Hesitating, she looks over at Clara.

"Want me to come along?" Me asks, quietly, suddenly afraid of being left behind again. Clara smiles, and holds her arms out. Smiling, Me runs down and hugs Clara, then kisses her passionately.

  


Two weeks later, they actually managed to track down River, sitting in an office in an actual archaeology dig. Knocking on the door, they enter after a gruff "come in" sounds out distractedly. Watching as River finishes writing something down, they wait quietly until she finally looks up, watching her face light up when she recognizes Clara.

"Clara, what a pleasant surprise! What brings you here?" River asks, leaning back in the wooden chair behind the chair.

"Well, that's the thing, we're hoping you can help us." Clara said, sitting down in a padded chair in front of the desk.

"This is my girlfriend, Lady Me, by the way," Clara says, hurriedly when River looks over at Me.

"Girlfriend, huh? I'll bet the Doctor didn't like that! How is he nowadays, by the way?"

Clara and Me look at each other, shocked, then stare at River, who's smile drops, and looks at them, almost awkwardly.

"What, what is it? Did I miss something?" River asks, confused.

"More like some ONE. Many someones, in fact. Tell me, how much do you remember about the Doctor?" Clara asks, crossing her fingers, hoping this is the lead they need. River blushes, and Me laughs, whereas Clara tilts her head to the side. Seeing the look on River's face, understanding dawns on Clara, and she blushes, but chuckles too.

"As it happens, the last time I even saw him was... "River starts, then looks down sadly.

"Was where?" Clara asks softly.

"Darillium" River replies softly.

"Never been there, but I heard it was a lovely place."

"Yes, it was. And the Doctor," River's voice catches slightly, "he finally took me there. It was a wonderful evening."

There was a moment of silence, River looking down at her hands, Clara waiting impatiently. Finally, River looks up, wiping a tear from her cheek, and smiles with a false bravado they know is for show.

"So, how can I help you, then? If you're asking, is he missing?" River asks, smiling faintly.

"Actually, it's worse than that. First, he regened into a female," Clara started, and smirk at the amused look on River's face.

"Yeah, we thought the same thing. Well, it's not just that, she was kidnapped, and we don't recognize the logo," Clara said.

"So ask one of his, excuse me, HER, past incarnations?" River asks, somehow managing not to make it sound as bad as she could've, almost as if thinking Clara was still a mortal human.

"Well we tried," Clara started, purposefully baiting River, hoping she'd take it. She wasn't disappointed.

"And?" River asked slowly.

"And... It's as if the Doctor never existed" Me finally pipes up, tired of all the wordplay. Clara glares at Me, who shrugs.

River gasps, face turning a shade of white Clara hadn't seen on her before. Grabbing her journal, River flips through it, looking up at both of the girls.

"My notes, they're still here. So why would they not be there?"

"Time loop? Or something?" Clara offered, shrugging.

"No, that doesn't make sense, but I see what you're getting at. Something has changed the time line, but it seems we're the only ones, that we know of, unaffected. I wonder why that is?" River says, crossing her arms, thinking aloud.

"Well, maybe we should start with that logo. The TARDIS didn't recognize it, so maybe you, or your contacts, might?" Clara offered.

"Not a bad idea. I'll see what I can dig up, "she says, laughing at the joke, "and I'll get back to you. Give me, a week? We'll meet here, and discuss our next step" River says, handing them a set of coordinates.

"Alright, we'll see you in a week." Clara says, shaking River's hand, and heading back to the TARDIS.

"At least we don't actually have to wait!" Clara said excitedly, grinning at Me, who merely looked bored. Punching in the coordinates, and the time, they leave right away. Seeing nothing on the monitors, they peek outside, but don't see River. Closing the door, they decide to wait in the TARDIS, figuring River would come to them when she finally got there.

An hour later, a knock on the door revealed River, who looked not only worried, but scared. She kept looking behind her as she entered the TARDIS, and went immediately to the controls. Punching in some numbers, she sends the TARDIS off, while Clara and Me watch, confused.

"There wasn't time to wait. That logo, I got information on, but am being chased, and I couldn't risk them getting what I have." River said hurriedly, after setting off.

"I can't exactly translate what that logo is, but I can at least say it belongs to a Great House of a race of aliens thought long extinct. They're dangerous, because they're all fanatics. I'd honestly rather deal with a dalek than these guys. They are followers of an ancient Goddess of Death and Destruction, one that makes Kali from Earth seem like a temperamental baby," River explained, sliding down onto one of the chairs.

"So some people from a race of aliens thought to be dead kidnapped the Doctor. Why?" Clara asked, confused.

"Well, I'm not sure. I've got some contacts looking into the cult of that Goddess, so maybe by then, we'll know something more. I'd rather have more information before I make any plans," River replies.

"So what now?" Me asked, exasperated.

"Now? Now we wait, and we plan. I wish we could do more, but I don't want to do anything until we get more information. We can't even prepare yet, because we have no idea what we're going into. Even the Doctor would wait, because he knew that without information, we could be walking into a trap. Didn't always stop him, but in a situation like this, he'd have waited." River said, with a note of finality. If only they knew...


	5. Drifting Apart

Darkness. Pain. Metal. Cloth. Slowly, very slowly, sensation returned to the Doctor, and her mind was slowly translating what it was receiving. She knew she was clothed, and she was on her knees. She also knew she was bound in chains, arms lifted above her head. Some contraption was attached her to head, but she couldn't tell what it was, or how it was put together, only that it was on her head, and that her head ached abysmally. She felt out of place, out of synch, her thoughts lagging so slow, she felt like she was swimming in mud. Or thinking in mud.

Voices. Soft, whispering, distant. Coming closer, but not louder. A door opening. Bright, blinding white light, several male voices crying out in pain. Clicking sound, coming closer to where she was, stopping right in front of her. Boots, black, running up to the knee, covering black leather pants. That was the highest she could look up. The boots seemed familiar, but she couldn't remember where she'd seen them.

A hiss, almost like a laugh, sounded from the person in front of her, but she couldn't lift her head to look.

"Ssssso, the might Doctor is brought low, at least. Or should I say, Doctors?" a raspy, feminine voice said, making that hissing laugh sound again. Doctors? Plural? But I...

"Oh no, child, you're not the only one, now. And now your energy, and that of your past regenerations, will fuel our plans. You see, we needed your energy in order to restore life to our Goddess, and it was just our luck that you'd already spent so many lives! So we plucked them, right before they each regenerated, and healed them. That way, we can steal all their energy! Only two of them are the most unfortunate, because they have the most regenerative energy, but the others will still all be drained. Only one is lucky, for he has the least amount of energy, so he won't last as long. But that's ok, we'll start him last! But don't worry, my dears, you won't die, although you will want to. No, you will live, completely mortal, no longer able to regenerate. If you're good little pets, we might even consider letting you all go, living your lives as you are. But for now, enjoy the harvest," the voice said, and now several more hissing laughs can be heard as more footsteps, this time booted in thick, heavy leather, moved around.

The Doctor cried out in pain as her neck in pulled back, and she sees now a figure sitting in a chair in the middle of the room, head hanging loosely. More male voices cry out in similar pain, but one voice, in the cell next to her, gasps, starts to growl. Chains rattle as hands pull at them; whoever is in that chair, the person in the next cell obviously recognizes them. Realizing she is next to the wall, the Doctor wonders who, then, in the cell next to her, and who is in that chair?

"NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" a loud, gruff, male voice, with a Scottish accent, screams out; he, then, is the one who knows the person in the chair. Hearing a faint whirring sound, and an odd gagging sound that cuts off the shout, tells her that they must have pulled the chain taut to stop the shouting. Poor fellow, the Doctor thinks sadly, I hope whoever it is doesn't have to endure this too long. Looking closer at the person in the chair, she realizes belated that it's a female, a rather chunky female with long, black hair, and her left leg sticks out straighter than her right leg, which sits at a regular angle on the chair.

A sudden loud humming noise, coming from the wall behind her, breaks her train of thought. Curious, and a little afraid, she waits to see what happens, because whatever it is, it won't be pleasant, for anyone in this room. Noticing a strange device coming out of the ceiling, with a milky white crystal sticking out of the center, looms over the girl in the chair. The Doctor feels like that's important, and think she might recognize it, but all she could think in the next moment was pain. Electricity flowed through her, and she swore her life was draining out of her. Maybe it was, based on what that scaled woman said, and that woman was right about one thing: the pain was so excruciating, the Doctor wanted nothing more than to curl up and die. The only sound she heard was that of her own screaming.

  
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Time stood still, no sound, no light, nothing penetrated the inky blackness, no sensation. Breathing. She was breathing. It hurt. Why did breathing hurt? Her whole body hurt. Throat felt raw, had she been screaming? Why would she be screaming? Why did she feel nothing else? Metal, sweat, urine. Smells. Metal? Why did she smell metal? Or, for that matter, urine? Sweat, she could understand, but the other two? Cloth, harsh against skin, raw. Coughing, faint, sounded far away. Whimpering, also faint, also far away. Where there others in there with her? Where was she? What was going on? She couldn't focus, and her thoughts were painfully slow, so she had no idea where she was, what was going on, and how she'd come to this state. Crying, such a heartbreaking sound after the silence, crept along the air, muffled, but still hard to listen to; it wasn't the crying one makes when physically hurt, it's the kind one makes after an emotional trauma. Loss. Had someone died? It wasn't her, but she felt awful for whoever was crying; losing someone you love is so very difficult. She felt the strange urge to reach out, and hold the person crying. Why would she feel that? Did she know the person crying? Did she know the person that had been lost? Chains rattling was the next thing she heard, but she couldn't tell from where. It was like from everywhere, and from far away. That made no sense. This must be a dream. That's it, she thinks to herself, it's nothing but a dream. I think I'll lay here and sleep, she thinks softly to herself, and manages to fall asleep.

Rough hands grab her, shake her, waking her once again. As she slowly opens her eyes, a pale blob is all she sees in front of her, eyes not willing to focus. Everything aches. She wishes they'd stop shaking her. Sound, voices, words unintelligible flowing at her, but she doesn't understand. She tries to shake her head, but her neck hurts too much. Why won't they leave her alone, so she can sleep? Something stings her neck, and a warm lassitude fills her, easing the pain, so she closes her eyes, and waits for the loving embrace of sleep to hold her again. She is happy she doesn't need to wait long. Something deep within her stirs, and before she falls asleep, she knows something bad has happened, but the worst is yet to come. ______________________________________________________________________________


	6. The Cloister Bells Tolling

The three women ran as fast as possible to the TARDIS after hearing the cloister bell sounding, knowing that was usually a very bad sign. River made it to the console first, asking what was wrong, just as Clara and Me dashed through the door.

"She's too upset to make much sense, but what I could understand is that the link is... Not severed, but cracked, like it's breaking. She doesn't know what's happening, but she is finally able to locate the Doctor. It's a good thing we got the information we did, and when we did, because it sounds like this is bigger than we feared," River said in a rush, pulling on the gearshift to send the TARDIS away. They had intel, and now they needed a plan, and gear.

"So they're trying to resurrect some ancient, dead Goddess, who is supposed to bring about the restoration of their civilization. Ok, I get that. But how exactly is the Doctor supposed to do that?" Me asked, after falling into a chair.

"Well, to hear them tell it, they can drain the regeneration energy and siphon it into a body, one they've prepared ahead of time to receive their Goddess. I don't understand how that all works, but that's the gist of it," River replied, falling into a chair of her own, holding her head in her hands. All three of them were exhausted, sore, and dirty.

It had only been two weeks since they first went to River about the logo, but after they found out what that logo had meant, they had each gone off and searched any and all contacts. Finally, River had gotten back in touch with them, saying her original contact had finally come through, and they met together, choosing to travel in one TARDIS, rather than separately. Deciding to play it safe, they took the blue one that belonged to the Doctor, hoping to attract less attention.

"I don't know about you two, but I hear the shower calling my name. Good night, ladies," Clara called out, trudging down the hallway. Wiggling her eyebrows at River, Me bounces off after Clara, leaving River to chuckle tiredly.

The three had gotten to be very close, even to the point of sharing a bed a couple of times. Those were fun times, but now things were now reaching a peak. Soon, River would be rescuing the Doctor once again, and then she'd be off on some other dig. The last one had gotten boring, so she was ready to move on. She wasn't really the type to stay too long in one place; Darillium, although technically only one night, was the longest she'd stayed in one place. Thinking about that now, tears welled in her eyes, but she hurriedly pushed them down. Now wasn't the time think about that, she had to stay focused, level headed. But she knew her diary was almost completely full, so she knew her time was almost at an end. But at least she'd gotten to have some great adventures, and she could at least thank the Doctor for a few of them. For all her bluster, she truly did love him, although she still giggled when she thought about the Doctor as a woman. It was too bad, really, that could've been an interesting meeting.

Scratching the back of her neck, she followed the other two girls, heading to her own room. She was looking forward to a long, hot shower, and a soft bed after all this time.

The next morning, River was greeted by the strange, bitter scent of coffee in the hallway. Following the smell, she found both Me and Clara drinking coffee at an island in the kitchen, chatting animatedly about some adventure they'd had. Waving absently at River, they kept talking, leaving her to get her own mug of coffee. Not normally a coffee drinker, she'd gotten used to it after dealing with Clara for the last week. She sat down on another stool, not really listening to them, but she enjoyed watching them talk, their youthful faces animated. She might occasionally find them annoying, but all in all, they were good girls, and she would miss them, as well as the Doctor. She waited until she was half way through her coffee, and until there was a lull in their conversation, before she started.

"As much fun as it is watching you two chat, I think it's time we got down to business. We know where, when, and why, now we need to figure out how to get in, rescue the Doctor, and escape. What we don't know, however, is when this ritual of there is supposed happen, so it's possible we might need to rescue whatever poor soul they have to use as the vessel. So we need to also plan what we're going to take, because we don't know much about the building," River said, leaning back slightly, straightening her back.

"Ok, well, I don't suppose we can get blueprints to the building, can we?" Clara asked. River raised an eyebrow.

"I'm impressed, I thought about that too. I honestly don't know, but I can go look. I've still got my time vortex manipulator, so I can meet you back at our usual spot. Give me an hour, and I'll meet you. Ta," she said, and headed back to her room. She knew what she was doing was one of the last things she'd do, but at least she could do something worthwhile before the end.

True to her word, she met them at their spot an hour later, several blueprints in hand. She was honestly surprised there were any blueprints, and given how new they were, she had a bad feeling the building hadn't been around that long.

Laying the blueprints on the kitchen table, the women studied the details maps available, noting sewers, water lines, and power lines, including the fact that an unusual amount of power lines went into one large room, practically at the center of the building. They spent several hours coming up with ideas, making plans, and deciding what they needed to bring to pull this off. The biggest problem was not knowing if the building was TARDIS proof or not, so they couldn't count on getting into the building with her, nor could they rely on her to come rescue them. They had to call in some favors to get items, and to get a couple more people to help. This was a big job, even to rescue one person, but they couldn't take any chances, not with as crazy as that cult had sounded.

As they put their gear together, the cloister bell started ringing solemnly, ringing in pain, warning the women that things were very bad, and venting her pain. This was the closest she could get to crying, ringing that bell. Only one person who had ever set foot in her halls had actually loved the sound, but only because that one had been a musician, and had enjoyed showing both her and the Doctor that not only did she (the companion) know what the note was, but could even duplicate it. That girl, though, knew the gravity of the bells, so had only asked twice for the bells to be sounded out of the usual circumstances. Yet another reason to ring them, for the TARDIS knew something the others didn't: she knew who the sacrifice was, and she hurt almost as bad as the one who had loved her.

"If we're going to do this, we need to do this now. And unfortunately, it does mean we'll need to go in with the brakes off, because we can't risk to alert anyone with the sound. Me, I know you really can't be killed, but I'd rather not test that theory, so please be careful. However, of all of us going in, you're the most likely to survive. Clara, I don't know what would happen to you if you took significant damage, so you need to be careful too. I have my manipulator, but even I know better than to take undo risks. We don't know what we'll see when we get in there, or what we'll run intel That's why I've given us the special communication devices; Clara, I know, is familiar with them, and I know about them, but have never actually used. So use them as best as you can. I wish we all had telepathy, but we'll do the best we can with what we have. Let's do this, ladies," River said, holstering a gun with that last thing. The previous day, in the biggest shock they had all had, the TARDIS had present them each not only with their own sonic screwdrivers, but they each were given special jackets that had three pockets that were "bigger on the inside". When asked, she had explained that they needed gear, but couldn't very well go in carrying packs; and that while this was not something she did often, it was possible. So they could carry more than they had originally anticipated, but that didn't help their heavy hearts. For all of Me's antagonistic attitude, even she was worried. She might have blamed the Doctor, and rightfully, for his role in her immortality, she knew he had done so because he thought it was the right thing to do. She alone understood the burden of doing things you think is right, only to see later it might not have been. 

  


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The sound of wind chimes, and the faint sound of children laughing, intruded in her mind. She recognized that sound, but couldn't remember where. It was a soothing sound, and she felt as though that sound was a good thing. She felt refreshed, although she thought she might still be asleep. She felt arms around her, holding her, and someone had caressed her face, but she didn't know why, but she felt loved. Withdrawing back into her dreams, she smiled for the first time in a very long time. Or was it a long time? She couldn't tell anymore...

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The cloister bells rung, but only inside, followed strangely by the smell of salt. It was almost as if the TARDIS really was crying, but she wouldn't do that in front of anyone who wasn't the Doctor. That was her secret, and she wouldn't, couldn't, tell anyone else. The bell kept ringing, and the smell of salt got stronger, when she heard the wind chimes and laughing children. She knew where that was from, and that made her cry even more.

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So far, everything had been moving on along well, but River feared it was almost too well. They'd run into some opposition, but the soldiers she'd employed had done their jobs well. But it was slow going, and bloody, and River wished things could move faster. But she knew this might happen, and so consoled herself into patience. She had her own role, and it wasn't going to look for the Doctor; she was taking care of the main control room itself, shutting everything down. It was up to Clara and Me to rescue the Doctor; she knew she had to stay away, for both their sakes. No sense adding to their pain, either of them. 

They each kept the others up to date with their parts of the plan, and so far it was going well. What opposition did get through was dispatched swiftly, and not even by the three ladies themselves. Because it was going so well, Clara secretly feared when the other shoe was going to drop. What would happen to them, what would be so awful? She tried not to think about it, but she couldn't help it. She had learned that if something was going well, almost too well, then that meant something really bad was waiting.

"Clara, I found it, I found that room. I'm two hallways down from you. Take the first left from where you are, then the next right you get to, and you'll see me. I'll wait outside," Me said quietly, excitement mixed with anxiety showing through in her voice.

"Right, on my way," Clara replied, equally quiet, equally excited and also anxious. She missed the Doctor, and would enjoy teasing her about changing into a female.

Finding her way to the door, she nods to Me, and they both open the door, but neither was prepared for what they saw. Wires hung from the ceiling, centered over an empty chair, and 13 cells, each with a person inside. Seeing two figures she recognizes, she whimpers, holding onto Me, as they both take in the horrific scene. They both run to the cell with the one person they both recognize in it, only to be repelled by some kind of clear barrier. Clara tries to beat on it, tears streaming down her cheeks, but the pounding makes no sound, nor does it seem to have any effect on whatever it is preventing her from entering. Because, lying on the floor in front of her, wearing his iconic, red velvet jacket that she had come to love, was none other than the Doctor, her Scottish doctor. She finally stops beating on the invisible barrier, pain and sadness draining her, so she lays her head against the barrier. Me gently tugs on Clara's shoulder, pulling her to the cell to the left, where another Doctor waits, a much younger looking one, wearing a tweed jacket and bow tie.

Me didn't say a word, choosing to look into the other cells, while Clara slid to her knees, crying, head against the invisible barrier. As far as they knew, the Doctors were still alive but asleep; they'd seen chests move in breathing, which at least gave them some hope.

"We made it here, but the situation is far worse than we could have ever expected," Clara heard Me saying softly to River. Clara herself was in too much shock to hear the reply, and Me had moved away, so Clara didn't hear anything else. All Clara wanted to do was open these barriers, and hold the Doctor, either of them, against her, listen to their heartbeats, feel them alive under her hands. It had been a long time since she'd seen the bow tie incarnation, and she still loved him. But she realized with a shock, gasping softly at the thought, she didn't love him as much as she had so long ago; she loved the other Doctor more, and even then, it had faded some. She would never stop loving him, but it was not as strong as it had once been, she realized, almost with a pang. She missed him, but she'd had to move on, and she suddenly felt incredibly guilty. She hadn't been there for him when he needed her, but she thought it was best he move on from her. She hoped he had, because she didn't know what she'd do if he'd spent all that time pining away for her, or hurting himself trying to get back his memories. Belatedly, she wondered if he ever had gotten them back, then realized it might not even matter.

Feeling a hand gently touch her shoulder shocked her out of her reverie, and she looked up into the sad eyes of her lover, the woman who had been there for her, helping mend her broken heart. They still hadn't made their way back to Gallifrey, but she'd promised she'd go back, someday.

"I know you're upset, but we need to go. River's about to turn everything off, and she said once she does, the barriers should come down, if what she found was true. But we need to hurry and get these people out of here. I'm guessing they're the previous incarnations of the Doctor, and we sure as hell can't leave them here," Me said softly, feeling impatient to move, but not wanting to push Clara; she understood that pain that Clara was going through. Clara only nodded, and accepted Me's hand up.

The lights all suddenly went out, and the almost imperceptible hum of electronics died, and the barriers dropped. Numbly, Clara moved out of the way as several men, wearing black military gear, came into the room, one for each of the Doctors, and carried the men out, with a rather muscular, somewhat masculine looking female picking up the female Doctor in the last cell; Chris was the girl's name, and she was even stronger than she looked.

Clara didn't say anything when someone gently, but firmly, grabbed her elbow, steering her out the door, following the soldiers through the hallways. She didn't know who was guiding her, she couldn't even see at all, but she expected whoever it was either had night vision gear, or augmented vision of some kind. However they did it, it didn't matter, she was lost in her own grief, glad to have someone leading her for a change. She didn't know what to think, or say, she was in too much pain, in too much shock to take in much else around her. She didn't say a word when they got to the TARDIS and saw River standing outside, face almost white as snow, tears streaking her own face. River stopped them, and pulled Clara into a deep embrace, and only then did Clara react, burying her face into River's shoulder, and they both cried together. It was only Me's insistence that they all enter the TARDIS that the two women pulled apart and went in, numb with shock. Even the sound of the TARDIS leaving did nothing to phase either woman.

"Ma'am, we've secured the people in separate rooms, which appeared literally out of nowhere," one man said, a little shocked by what had happened; he was more bothered by the rooms appearing out of thin air than he was anything else. River smiled faintly, and wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"Thank you, Sergeant. Don't worry, the thing with the rooms is actually perfectly normal in here, it was the TARDIS herself providing the rooms. We'll drop you off back at your base, and we'll take it from here. Thank you again," River said, patting the man on the shoulder. He shrugged, and turned back towards the kitchen; the men had turned it into a kind of meeting room, not realizing it had, in fact, increased in size to accommodate them.

River silently thanked the TARDIS, and went in search of her own room, knowing Me and Clara had already went to their own; or at least, she hoped they had. Clara, more than likely, would actually have gone in search of one or both of the Doctors she had known. They all had had a major shock, and she thought they could all use some rest. She had no idea that the worst of it had yet to come.

Once again, the cloister bell rang, a sound that reached deep into each Doctor's dreams; not because it was a warning, but because it sounded like a death bell tolling, and each of them shed a tear in response. They didn't know it, of course, but they all felt the TARDIS' pain, even if they didn't know what she was hurting from, or why. But that bell was the last thing they would hear for a while.


End file.
